Why Men Act Differently Post-Sex
My client recently asked me for my advice on a pattern she kept seeing with men she was intimate with. This is what she asked:
“I met this guy I really like, and we totally click—like, the chemistry is off the charts. Pretty quickly, he’s all about getting physical, and honestly, I'm down too. But here's the thing: after we hook up, I barely hear from him again. Even if I play it cool and wait a couple of months before going there, it still ends up the same way. They act super into me before we have sex, but then it's like I don't exist to them afterward. I just don't get why it keeps happening.”
My response to her and to my readers is this:
Our relationships often mirror our own emotional states. So if you find yourself perpetually seeking someone to fill the void within, hoping for love to validate your worth, this neediness attracts partners who are similarly looking for fulfillment outside themselves. They, too, mistakenly believe that intimacy can bridge their inner void. However, when physical closeness fails to offer lasting satisfaction, they depart — run, ghost, and nowhere to be found.
True contentment and a sense of completeness arise from self-love, not external affirmation or fleeting moments of closeness.
To break this cycle, it’s essential to embark on a journey of self-love and personal accountability. Only then can a relationship transform into a space of mutual growth, support, and joy rather than a quest for validation. So, if you’re asking yourself:
If achieve self-love, why would I still seek a relationship?
A healthy relationship isn’t about needing someone; it’s about wanting to share the abundance of love you’ve cultivated within yourself. It’s a partnership where both individuals, filled with self-love, come together to share, grow, and enjoy life side by side. This shared love becomes the most profound experience, elevating the connection to its highest form.
How do I start loving myself?
By embarking on a self-love journey, guided by my practices like Relationship Alchemy. My method teaches you to recognize and take responsibility for your emotions, shifting from seeking external solutions to your inner emptiness to addressing the ways you might be neglecting your own needs.
So if you’re doubting that you can’t learn self-love because your parents didn’t love you properly. Think again.
Your past does not dictate your capacity for self-love.
Despite not receiving the love you deserve, you possess the innate ability to nurture and love yourself. It's a skill that can be developed over time, leading not only to personal happiness but also to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
With commitment and consistent effort, you can transition from neglecting your needs to deeply valuing yourself.
This journey may be challenging and gradual, but the rewards are immeasurable: a profound sense of inner peace, the warmth of genuine relationships, and the daily delight in simply being in your beingness.
